Marriage Wisdom

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I’ve often said that it’s the little things in a marriage that can kill it, not the big crisis. It’s probably the little things our wife does (or doesn’t do) that bug us—those idiosyncrasies you observe on a daily basis that nobody else knows about her—those will be the things we would miss the most if they were no longer with us. They frustrate and endear us to our spouse all at the same time.

Recently, I came across a list of things that married people said they want newlyweds to know in order to help them make their marriage work for the long haul. As married people, we know that eventually the starry-eyed, dreamy look worn by newlyweds will be replaced at times with eye rolls or eyes of doubt, wondering if their marriage will last.

First off, always remember that there is more than one right way to do something. This refers to tasks like loading the dishwasher, folding the laundry, or putting toilet paper on the roll. Your way isn’t necessarily the only way, and your wife may have different ideas for how those tasks should be completed.

Secondly, choose your battles carefully. Sometimes, you have to learn to let things go. Along this same line, remember that arguing usually occurs when someone believes being right is more important than listening to their spouse. If you do end up in an argument, refrain from calling each other names of any kind. And never belittle each other, especially in public. Always have each other’s back.

I am also discovering that when I give my wife abundance, meaning I give her what she needs regardless of whether I will receive anything back, it requires me to die to self. Too often, I have wanted her to come my way and just agree with me instead of meeting her where she is. To understand and accept that giving her abundance requires surrendering my own will has been challenging, but very beneficial in developing a healthier relationship.

Don’t just read this article and be done. Take some action that will bring change. It may be difficult to apply these principles in your marriage, but take a moment and consider some areas you can surrender your will for the greater good of your marriage. As you do this, I believe you will win at home.