5 Things Your Teenager Does and Doesn’t Want from You

1. Honesty and Vulnerability 

Communication with a teen can feel exhausting, leaving you unsure what to even say without setting them off. However, many times they are just looking for you to be open-minded as well as honest. Despite how they may respond, when we share biblical truths with our teens and become vulnerable about our own struggles, they do listen.

2. Your Attention and Time

Your teen notices when you put in the effort and make it to their school events, games, or step away from your busy schedule to just sit with them and be present. The truth is, they really do want to be close to you and crave one-on-one interactions. Be intentional about noticing when they may need a listening ear or a trip to Starbucks to cope with a rough day. Even a brief check-in means more than you know.

3. Clear Boundaries

While your teen desires independence and freedom and may even claim that they don’t need strict rules or curfews, deep down, they do know this is in their best interest. It not only gives them a sense of security, but clear and concise boundaries allow them to understand that with freedom comes great responsibility, and that must be earned.

4. Play it Cool Around Their Friends

Friends are everything to your teen and a huge part of their life right now. If you haven’t noticed, they will likely pick their friends over spending time with you. Sigh. However, when you make your home a welcoming place to hangout, you will both reap the benefits. As teens flood your home, you get the honor of sharing God’s love with your words, deeds, and actions. Yes, it’s a balance of knowing when to chime into a conversation and when to take the hint and step back, giving them space. But your teen secretly loves it when you love their friends, especially if you host with plenty of snacks.

5. Live Out Your Faith Boldly

You’ve laid down the foundation (Proverbs 22:6), shared stories about Jesus, and prayed with them at night when they were little. So, the question now remains: how do you go about etching faith in their hearts as a teen or young adult? It’s obviously going to look a bit different as they make faith their own. At the same time, it’s essential that we continue to proclaim the truth (even if it seems they aren’t listening or adhering to it), hold them accountable, and model for them what faith looks like as we grow older.

5 Things Your Teen Doesn’t Want from You

As our children grow into teens and even young adults, we must allow them the space and grace to do so. So many changes are happening in these years as they grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We must be able to recognize when to step in and when to trust God and step away. Below are a few things your teen may not want from you during these trying years, and how you can soften your heart and respond with love.

1. A Full-Blown Lecture about Everything

I get it. You so badly want to seize every opportunity and turn it into a life lesson. The truth is, there are so many lessons you have already instilled in your kiddo’s heart. Rather than leading deep conversations that can seem intimidating (and what they may deem annoying), take the time to ask questions, pry a bit, and then actively listen.

2. The Struggle for Independence

This fine line of loving hard and letting go is rough. But, while you are fighting to keep them little and maybe even holding on a little tighter than usual with those lingering hugs, your teen is desperate for a bit of freedom and breathing room. It’s certainly okay to be vulnerable and let them know you are struggling with them growing up, too. Maybe even share fun memories when they were tiny tots. At the same time, let them know how proud you are of them and for all the things they have accomplished.

3. The Fight to Be Right

Arguments and disagreements happen. It’s part of raising a family with a bunch of messy and broken people. That said, it’s easy to point out all the things your teen doesn’t know or grow frustrated when they come across as stubborn or hard-headed. But sometimes, when we feel this need to “be right,” we must take a deep look within. Ugh. Even though you may hold different opinions or take different stances on certain issues, try to be open-minded and tune in to the nature of their heart. When we take time to truly understand their view, we may be utterly surprised or even blessed by it! Let me assure you that God is moving in this generation, and our kids are far smarter than we give them credit for.

4. Dismissing Their Feelings for a “Mood”

The wild emotions of a teenager can feel as if you are on a never-ending roller coaster with drastic dips and tight turns, causing knee-jerk reactions and shrill screams. Yet, more often than not, we can mistake a “mood” for something else that may be going on underneath the surface. Dig deeper and get to know what’s going on with simple, straightforward questions, showing you genuinely care about their well-being, and want to support and encourage them.

5. Crowding Their Space

Teens will be the first ones to admit they don’t have all the answers and will even share their shortcomings. But that usually comes with some soul-searching and inner reflection. Solitude allows them the space to process current events or social situations, take a breather from the heavy demands of school, and gives way to seek truth and meaning. When they are alone, it’s okay to give them space. Yet, it’s also totally okay and often necessary to check in. Letting them know you are available is comforting and reassuring.

Parenting teenagers is not for the faint of heart, but thankfully, we have a God who gives us lots of encouragement in His Word. Cover yourself in that truth today and keep going. You’ve got this!